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80% of teacher training tends to be on content, with only about 20% of training focusing on the "human factors," those minute-to-minute problems with your youngsters that dominate each day. Whether you are a teacher, counselor, social worker or psychologist, there are days that you run out of answers.
Here is your chance to get the answers you need for your most challenging youth problems. Eavesdrop on the questions posed in our Live Expert Help area of our web site, and perhaps your question will be answered. Have a question for Live Help? Click on the Live Help icon at our site.
Q: Do you have any ideas how to get young children to show up at our site when no parent seems willing to assist the child to attend?
A: We believe in the ends justify the means in this area, meaning that unless it violates your site's rules or policies, then do it if it will help the child to attend. Your service is just that important, that you should do whatever it takes to get
the child in. Actions can include waking the child by phone, picking up the child in the morning, or securing an alarm clock for the youngster to use. You can also use our popular "Countdown to School (or Agency) Schedule" or make a facsimile of it.
The "Countdown to School Schedule" lists times for the child to perform the actions needed to get ready for school. It compensates a bit for the lack of vital family supervision.
BONUS INTERVENTION:
If you work with young children, you know that many can't tell time and may not reliably know numbers, so put a piece of tape under the place where the numbers will click in on a digital clock. On the tape, write the time you want the child to get up.
So, you might put a "7" on the tape, and teach the child to get up and go when the number on the clock matches the number on the tape. It is sad to have you taking over the family's job, but if you have been unable to engage the family, this may be an option worth considering.
BONUS INTERVENTION:
For very young children, just teach them to "get up and go," and wait a bit before adding in other less crucial tasks like washing the face, for example. Once the child masters the basics, you can add on more tasks. In the meantime, you may want to have a few snacks, some sweatshirts, etc. to fill in the gaps. Whether an older youth, a younger child, a cold or hungry kid will have difficulty benefiting from your service. Be sure to also expose the child to plenty of motivation-makers; there are a few on our site, and hundreds in our books. A child who believes that your service is incredibly important, may work harder to arrive.
Q: I am so frustrated trying to get some parents to do their job! What ideas do you have to get parents to do what they are supposed to do?
A: By the time you run into a troubled family, the problems have been in that system for a long time. We actually do not recommend that people who are not family therapists continue to spend large amounts of time working to engage parents who never seem to improve. If you are a teacher with 30 in your classroom, or a school counselor with a caseload of 500, for example, it is not realistic that in your brief seconds of "spare time," you somehow magically turnaround deeply troubled families. In your spare time, you probably will not be able to get that mom to finally stop drinking, or that dad to suddenly recognize the importance of your service. Instead, we recommend that you discontinue or reduce your repeatedly unsuccessful efforts with the adults, and devote all or most of your energy to helping the child succeed without family support. The ideas shown above, on helping even young children attend your site without family aid, are an example of what we mean. Yes, this is tragic, but you can still succeed with the child even though you may never succeed with the parents. The child is your real target, and where the best hope for success may lie.
Q: We are seeing more and more kids who are incredibly mean and violent, and it seems like absolutely nothing I do makes them behave. What can I do that would work better?
A: This is one of the most frequent questions we get. 11-15% of your population are conduct disorders. That is a mental health term that a mental health professional can apply to some extremely hurtful kids. The way you work with conduct disorders, and kids you believe might be conduct disorders, differs dramatically from conventional approaches. Conventional approaches will consistently fail with this portion of your kids. You have to use a different set of tools, or else you will continue to feel that virtually nothing you do yields any useful results. We have a good resource for you on this. Go to our site, where some of the basics on conduct disorders are spelled out. If you need it, our "All the Best Answers for the Worst Problems: Conduct Disorders and Anti-Social Youth" books can give you more than the introductory information in the article.
Q: Can you explain to me what Aspergers is? And, what should I do?
A: Aspergers is a constellation of symptoms that varies from child to child. It may be related to autism, and is not fully understood. Only a counselor or medical professional can diagnose it. Some common symptoms are inappropriate social behaviors, distractibility, developmental delays, and repetitive talk or actions. It's more common in males. Unlike autistic children, language and cognitive functioning may not be as significantly delayed or impaired. Also, this disorder may be identified later, or occur later than autism. It is often misdiagnosed. We suggest that you not let the terminology confuse
you'even though many professionals are understandably confused by this diagnostic term. Instead, focus on the specific problems you see in the individual child, then prioritize the concerns and work on them systematically. We suggest you focus on three areas at a time.
BONUS INTERVENTION:
If you have developed good methods to work with ADD-affected children, some of those methods will work well with Aspergers-affected youth. For example: for problematic verbal interactions, you can teach your ADD- or Aspergers-affected
child how to make Opening, Middle and Closing Lines, as a way to give them essential everyday conversational skills. Opening Lines initiate the conversation, Middle Lines continue it, and Closing Lines terminate it.
WANT MORE ANSWERS TO YOUR WORST "KID PROBLEMS?"
That's what we are here for. Consider coming to a live Breakthrough Strategies class or order the course on DVD/video. We're here to help youth professionals help troubled youth.
Fix the Nix-Master to Say "Yes" Faster
Do you know a Nix-Master? Sure you do. It's the child who says "no" to nearly anything. Some of these children are loud and defiant, others are quietly and politely non-compliant. Whether they are loud or quiet, they are not doing what they are asked to do.
If you like the ideas in this article, be sure to get hundreds more on our web sites. We have an endless supply of wonderful ideas that you can't find anywhere else. No adult ever won a power struggle with a child, and no adult ever will. The minute you get into power struggle with a child, you've already lost. Instead, choose interventions that work around the resistance.
Nearly nonstop nay-saying is a normal part of development that prepares teens to become independent. Here are techniques to use with youth or children who evidence normal non-compliance, and those who use behaviors that go well beyond "typical" into seriously defiant:
Be Democratic
Who would you work harder for-- the boss who was a dictator or the boss who was a participatory manager? Most of us, whether adults or kids, want to have a say at work or school. Allowing youth input prepares them for the self-management they must do throughout life when adults aren't present.
Strategies: To win a great prize, have students play Tic Tac Toe without rules. They will discover that games won't work without rules. Now, have a classroom without rules and a defiant youth as teacher. Role reversals offer fast ways for defiant youth to get a jolting look at their own problem behavior.
If Everybody Says "No"
Help students realize that compliance is not arbitrary but essential.
Strategies: Ask the students to determine the consequences if everyone was non-compliant whenever they wished. Ask what would happen if everybody ignored stop signs, took every item they wanted, blocked traffic, refused to pay taxes, or could enter your house without your okay.
Give a Perspective
Defying authority can become the top issue above all else.
Strategies: Ask students to list the most important things they want in life. Defying authority will not be listed. Identify to defiant students that they devote much time and energy to low/no priority issues while jeopardizing their top goals. Have students cross out goals that defiance could ruin. This intervention is especially good with children such as conduct disorders who only care about what they want for me-me-me.
Different Approaches for Different Folks
You may have noticed two trends among your defiant youth. Some, such as conduct disorders, engage in defiance for fun, or out of meanness. These may be your students who are loudly non-compliant. But, others, usually your quieter students, are defiant not for sport or meanness, but out of quiet desperation. You must work with these two populations very differently. In past
articles in this book, we discussed the special set of tools you must use with conduct disorders. For your more vulnerable child who is non-compliant, there are dozens of methods you can use. We will include a few of the best here.
Strategies: Your vulnerable students are non-compliant because it is safe and familiar, and they do so out of desperation. Teach them alternatives using acceptance. So, negotiation of expectations with incremental increases can help, but the more your wrestle for compliance, the less you may get, so also be sure to find out why the child says "no." Some children will tell of family strife, others will say "I don't know." Respond to the "I don't know" with "If you did know...what would it be?" and often you will learn key data that will guide you.
Be sure to teach compliance skills, including what to say when you don't want to do as directed. Many students say "no" but could learn to say for example, "I don't know how to do what you are asking," which would be a much more conciliatory response. Consider allowing the child to say if it is a "good work day" or a "bad work day" and to be given some accommodation on bad days. Any "breathing room" you offer fragile, non-compliant students will usually result in their undying loyalty to you, and they will work as hard as they can on days they are able. You may be one of the few sane, sober, humane adults in their universe. If you can strike the balance between your mission and the child's issues that impair functioning, that is the best case scenario. |
| Author: Ruth Wells, M.S. |
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Author Bio:
Get much more information on this topic at www.youthchg.com and theclassroommanagementsite.com. See hundreds more of innovative, problem-stopping interventions at the Youth Change web site. Ruth Wells MS is the director of Youth Change. Ruth is the author of dozens of books including the popular Temper and Tantrum Tamers, Turn On the Turned-Off Student, Last Chance School Success Guide and Maximum-Strength Motivation-Makers. She annually trains hundreds of teachers, counselors and youth professionals in staff development workshops, conferences, seminars and in-service throughout the country. Get free samples and see 100s more of her problem-stopping interventions at Youth Change's web site. Ruth is the author of dozens of books and ebooks, and conducts professional development workshops. Please visit us at our website at www.youthchg.com or feel free to call us at 1-800-545-5736. |
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