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We recently offered the subscribers to our internet magazine, The Problem-Kid Problem-Solver?C the articles in this book first appeared in that magazine?C the chance to pose any questions they had about working with difficult and problem youth. This article provides the answers to our subscribers' questions. You can become a subscriber by visiting our web site.
Many subscribers wrote in with questions. Here are our answers with a special focus on offering immediate solutions for their most challenging "kid problems."
Q: Maryann is a school counselor in Pemberton, NJ. She requested "strategies to use for children who seek attention by acting out."
A: Maryann, let me give you a couple favorite ideas on this topic.
* There is an old saying: "children would rather be praised than punished, but they'd rather be punished than ignored." With that in mind, wait for the acting-out student to be properly behaved, and then offer attention. Although misbehavior compels the adults to give attention, it starts a cycle of misbehavior netting attention, so by acting out, a student can extract notice. That's the exact opposite of what you want to occur so catch your students "doing good" and offer attention then. You are eliminating the need to act out to be noticed. There are even stickers you can buy for younger students that say "Caught doing good."
* Class clowns are the classic example of students who chronically act out. Be sure that teachers have their class establish a recommended number of times to talk out, then expect students to follow that standard. Without a quantifiable standard, you are expecting students to adhere to a standard that is unspecified. That isn't fair or reasonable. For class clowns, work with them to learn about the proper frequency of comments, the correct type of content, and appropriate duration. If you can channel the input to be appropriate, you will give that student lifelong skills to be beloved in the work place for making light, well-timed, often much-needed, humorous comments. You have transformed acting out into a potential, major work place asset. Everyone loves the co-worker who can break up the staff meeting with a well- timed, wry comment or socially acceptable joke.
Q: Theresa, who teaches kindergarten, wants more of a focus on younger children. She writes: "I'm not a new teacher (15 years) but, the behaviors I have seen and dealt with the past two to three years are becoming much more common. Out of a class of 16, 8 of them have really horrible behaviors. One even killed a cat this year! Thanks so much...I would love to come to a workshop if you are ever in Wichita, KS."
A: Thanks for asking. We may look at hosting a session in your state sometime in the future, but to get to your question, before reading any further, stop and consider if you already know the answer to this query, because we have touched on the answer a lot in previous articles.
The most misbehaved children may be "conduct disorders." From past articles, you may remember that those words refer to a specific mental health category that describes the most out of control students. While only a counselor can diagnose, anyone can be concerned that a child falls into this category. Theresa, here is the critical element: you must work completely differently with these students. If you use conventional methods, you will find "nothing works." For Theresa and others of you with very young students, here's more bad news: the younger the severe misbehavior begins, the worst the outlook. The
good news: if more professionals could identify and correctly work with young conduct disorders, the better the chance of aiding that child to avoid that otherwise grim prognosis for the future. Sadly, without targeted intervention, conduct disorders are at high risk of violating the law, and ending up imprisoned. Properly working with that 5 year old conduct disorder today can have incredible impact on his future. That is why Theresa's question is so important.
Anytime you have a young (or older) child doing the most extreme behaviors such as animal abuse, that should be a "red flag" to alert you to consider using the specialized methods that work with conduct disorders. Two earlier articles in this magazine (that are also included in this book) offered you a glimpse into this large population, and Theresa, you use exactly the same type of methods with both older and younger students. By using the information we have been providing in these articles on conduct disorders, you end up with a road map guiding you to manage unmanageable students of all ages.
Q: Here is the email we got from Angela: "My topic suggestion is one that I do not think is addressed enough anywhere--self-mutilation. It is a far more common problem than once thought."
A: Angela, you didn't tell us your job, or where you were from, but wherever you are and whatever your job, you are correct.
If you are a counselor, you may have noted the increase in the amount of disturbed youngsters, especially in the early grades. The answer we give to your query is going to depend on your job. We are going to play the odds and guess that you are a teacher since we have more teachers as subscribers than counselors. Let's hope we guess right.
If you are not a mental health professional, then whenever you have specific data to suggest active self-harm, you need to immediately notify your administrator or counselor. Only counselors and other mental health workers should be managing behaviors that could be-- or become-- life threatening. I am not saying that superficial cutting of the wrist automatically indicates a potential suicide attempt, but ensuring the child's safety must be the job of the mental health worker, and there are no exceptions to that-- even if your budget-crunched school lacks a counselor. You will need their guidance, and there is no work-around that is worth risking a child's life.
Even though non-mental health workers must consult a counselor, you still need to understand what makes these children tick, and adapt how you work with them. Plus, other behaviors may really be, or border on self-harm. For example, extreme tattooing or piercing, reckless driving, and serious promiscuity are just a few examples. To understand these youngsters, remember that distressed children don't manage their distress in "appropriate" ways. They don't enter class and say "I feel neglected so I would like additional interaction and nurturance today." They manage their distress in primitive, inappropriate ways like self-mutilation.
For non-counselors, you want to adjust how you work with the child by striking the balance between your mission and the child's distress. That means that when the child is distressed, you may lower the expectations. On days the child is more functional, you increase expectations. You also observe for safety concerns and let your mental health worker guide you on all else. Even if you lack an on-site counselor, it is not wise to learn counseling by practicing on a distressed youngster.
Instead of counseling these students, be nurturing, involved, alert, and available. Offer them time, and listen to what they say-- and don't say. Ask them what they need. Sometimes, these youngsters just want someone to notice. But leave the counseling to those trained to do it. Even if you have to move heaven and earth to arrange it, your energy is best spent ensuring that each hurting child has access to a capable counselor who knows exactly how to help.
Now, here is a difficult question for you to ponder. If a conduct disordered child threatens self-harm, what happened? If a diagnosed conduct disorder threatens self-harm, you are being manipulated but?C and this is the most important part?C you still provide safety no matter how sure you are that you are being manipulated and played. When any child plays the 'safety card,' you provide safety?C no 'if's, and's or but's.' For a diagnosed conduct disorder, you certainly won't be putting your arm around the youngster, like you might do with other children. You simply provide safety but do not offer relationship-based methods. For undiagnosed, suspected conduct disorders, it is far more complicated. You can't cut off relationship approaches with undiagnosed C.D.s. It is far easier to work with C.D.s when they are diagnosed vs. undiagnosed. The diagnosis guides you, especially in situations such as the child makes threats of self-harm. Working with conduct disorders is very tricky to begin with. It can seem particularly confusing for issues like self-harm. It is normal that you find it to be a bit of a 'magical mystery tour' with regards to some conduct disorders' apparent emotional issues because manipulation can so frequently be a major factor complicating or dominating how you should best respond. But remember the most important point with regards to self-harm: For all students, first, you provide safety then worry about what to do next. |
| Author: Ruth Wells, M.S. |
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Author Bio:
Get much more information on this topic at www.youthchg.com and theclassroommanagementsite.com. See hundreds more of innovative, problem-stopping interventions at the Youth Change web site. Ruth Wells MS is the director of Youth Change. Ruth is the author of dozens of books including the popular Temper and Tantrum Tamers, Turn On the Turned-Off Student, Last Chance School Success Guide and Maximum-Strength Motivation-Makers. She annually trains hundreds of teachers, counselors and youth professionals in staff development workshops, conferences, seminars and in-service throughout the country. Get free samples and see 100s more of her problem-stopping interventions at Youth Change's web site. Ruth is the author of dozens of books and ebooks, and conducts professional development workshops. Please visit us at our website at www.youthchg.com or feel free to call us at 1-800-545-5736. |
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