Building rapport is all about creating a relationship, in the moment. And this is vital in business, education, friendships and many other areas of life. We need relationships to help us get the things we want for ourselves in our lives, like money, promotions, success, partners and above all to feel part of society. You see we are social animals, us humans and if we find it challenging to make relationships, then we feel excluded. And that ain't comfortable.

So, let's build rapport quickly and easily in the just eight easy steps!

1. Pay Attention
   Now some will say that you must make continued eye contact, but, you know, some folks find that invasive and threatening. So match what they do, if they look at you, look at them. But whatever you do, ensure that you give an appropriate level of attention to them. In Dale Carnegie's wonderful book, 'How to Win Friends & Influence People', he tells a story of how he sat next to someone at dinner one evening. All night his fellow guest talked; all night Carnegie listened. A few weeks later, he was amazed to hear from a mutual friend how interesting his dinner companion had found him - even though Carnegie said virtually nothing all evening!
   
   
2. Value Them
   ..which leads us to how you relate to them. If someone is talking to you about something, make sure you show you value what they are saying, by asking them at least one additional openquestion about what they are talking to you about. Remember these? The 4 W's of HoW (yea, I know!), What, Where or Who - perhaps not Why, which can be seen as a challenge at the start of a relationship. 4 easy, helpful, interested open question types.
   
   
3. Be Like Them
   By matching physically, you will make a far greater impression. So, if they are standing, stand, leaning forward, lean forward. Ever spoken to a child? What did you do - you crouched down, didn't you. Why? Because you felt more able to communicate. It works well for big people too!
   
   
4. Follow Up
   How often have you discussed something and then it hasn't been followed through afterwards. Promises not kept. And how did that leave your relationship with that person? Not good eh? Following through on what you promise is not just good practice, it is vital if you want to build a strong, trusting relationship. People notice, even when you don't. Also remember to underpromise and overdeliver.
   
   
5. Laugh a Lot
   Laughter is a powerful tool in building relationships - you are sharing the same emotion, in the same moment. Ever seen two people in fits of laughter? How strong was that bond then? Pretty strong, I guess. Ever been there yourself? Yes, you know the feeling. It works, so share the fun and joy of the moment.
   
   
6. Hear Them
   It is not about listening, it's about hearing them. So what's the distinction here? It means being so with the person that you sense other things beneath the words. This is a very powerful tool you can use. Further sensitive questioning then adds into your evidence, which can give you great clues to help build the relationship.
   
   
7. Be The Audience
   Remember that when you are talking, you might be using the same language, but you hear it with different ears, different experiences and altogether a different 'take' on the words. A great coach I know, Elaine Wylie, had a problem with her cell phone one day and heard a serious echo. She heard herself fully before her caller responded. It was very revealing. So hear what you are saying from your audience's 'ears'.
   
   
8. Give space - Listen up
   Have you ever spoken to someone uninterrupted for as long as it took to say all you had to say? Were there spaces where it went quiet? What did you say next? In Nancy Kilne's great book 'Time to Think' she explores great exercises to do just that. The experience is magical. Give your listener space to talk and let them fill the silences. You will have pure rapport and a recognition that you care so much.
   
   

Martin Haworth

Thanks for taking a look at me! I work with people to help them realise their potential and make the most of their life. I also help managers to get the very best from their people, to make their businesses, teams, departments, whatever, to be successful.

Usually this is through my 'Coaching Managers to Coach' workshops, delivered worldwide, which includes experiential and hot-seat coaching for all participants - a great, fun learning experience. Click the big green link panel on any of the website pages!

There are over 1000 hints and tips, and that doesn't include the blog, which is updated pretty well daily, if not more often!

With a background in team management of groups from 6-300 and a great ICF coaching accreditation, I reckon I'm almost unique in my experience and training to make this work for you.

So take a look, checkout my other articles and maybe even set the blog page as a favourite:-) And, you know, if you want to get in touch, give me a call. I'll talk about almost anything, but I love helping people make the best of their workplace. Or e-mail me through the contact page on the site.

Ooops, I nearly forgot, I do manager soft-skills analysis with a programme called 'Intercept' and if you just want some one-to-one business coaching, I do that too. There's also a button on the navigation bar on the website pages for that too.

Fees, well, let me see, can I say that we can work something out? That's the way I work.

Thanks for happening by!

Martin